urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x fitting in Imperfect Perfection 2004-06-05T01:09:32Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:79422 2004-06-05T01:09:32Z 2004-06-05T01:09:32Z new livejournal...<br /><br /><br /><b>big&gt;killing_love</b>&lt;/big&gt;<br /><br /><br />don't worry, you don't have to comment to be added. i've already done that.<br /><br /><br />new screen name...<br /><br /><b><big>killingxlove</b></big><br /><br /><br />i know i said the one i have now was going to last me for a while, but not only did i get sick of it, i have to keep it so that only users on my buddy list can IM me because some asswipes think its funny to IM me and do something to fuck up my aim. and don't worry, if you don't see this entry, everyone's getting an IM from me to let you know the new screen name. so fear not. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:79334 2004-06-03T00:59:49Z 2004-06-03T00:59:49Z eh...<br /><br /><br />nothing really has happened.<br /><br /><br />been hanging out with Nick and his friend Vanessa. <br /><br /><br />went to the mall three days in a row. <br /><br /><br />met a beautiful guy who wants Nick. his name is Todd.<br /><br /><br />yeah.... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:78866 2004-05-30T02:22:25Z 2004-05-30T02:22:25Z so much for hanging out with Nate....<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />looks like another uneventful night at home.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />erg. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:78801 2004-05-29T22:25:24Z 2004-05-29T22:25:24Z last night sucked.<br />today still sucks.<br /><br /><br /><br /><i>maybe</i> hanging out with Nate tonight. <b>maybe</b>.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />call me if you fuckers want to do something. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:78557 2004-05-29T00:02:19Z 2004-05-29T00:02:19Z Savy still wants to go out tonight.<br />Somebody still needs to make that happen.<br />She'll still love you forever.<br />She promises.<br />Someone take her out. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:78324 2004-05-28T21:18:00Z 2004-05-28T21:18:00Z Savy wants to go out tonight.<br />who wants to make that happen?<br />Savy will love you forever if you do.<br />she promises.<br />Please take Savy out tonight. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:78066 2004-05-28T06:06:56Z 2004-05-28T06:06:56Z <strong><font color="#ffccff" size="7">THE WOODS WERE ON FIRE!</font></strong> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:77574 2004-05-27T16:48:44Z 2004-05-27T16:48:44Z Terra's on her way over. i haven't seen her in at least 8 months. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />This is an early start to Reunion Summer 2004. Bring it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:77521 2004-05-27T16:36:40Z 2004-05-27T16:36:40Z another wonderful night last night. Nate and Marissa came and picked me up. hung out at Marissa's for a while, ate a lot of junk food then went to Claytons for a bit. watched Aqua Teen Hunger Force on his computer, then went to Mikes. drank a quart. got kinda buzzed. came home around 130 or so. <br /><br /><br /><br />when i came home, my sister and her boyfriend were standing in front of the door and my sister was crying. i still have yet to figure out why. when her boyfriend left, i was outside smoking a cigarette. he said it was something about she didn't want to come home. i have no idea why, but my intention is to find out. i might <s>hate</s> fight with her sometimes, but i want to see her happy, not crying.<br /><br /><br />today, no clue what's up. call me, fuckers. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:77255 2004-05-26T20:43:09Z 2004-05-26T20:43:09Z Bad Religion Marissa and Nate (of all people) are on their way to pick me up. i haven't seen this kid in months! shitty day just turned wonderful.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />i'm working on a project of self discovery. it's difficult, but i'll succeed. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:76875 2004-05-26T17:37:09Z 2004-05-26T17:37:09Z Death Cab for Cutie <center>for you, i'd do anything<br />just to <b>make you happy</b><br />hear you tell me that you're proud of me<br />for them, i'd kill anything<br />cut the throats of babies for them<br /><b>break their hearts</b><br />for they were them<br />waiting for you to say..."<i>i love you too</i>."</center><br /><br /><br /><br />so this Parker kid keeps IMing me, wanting to "hang out". he thinks he can get some. it's amusing me.<br /><br /><br /><br />nothing going on. my uncle comes home from the hospital today. no clue where he's gonna sleep, but we'll figure it out. Lucy's not coming back here. she's moving in with her boyfriend. <big>thank god</big>.<br /><br /><br />other than that, nothing to report. hit up my cell if you wanna chill. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:76626 2004-05-24T20:02:55Z 2004-05-24T20:02:55Z had a wonderful time last night. hung out with Marissa and Clayton. kicked back some beers, got drunk. came home and got up for work this morning. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />i miss having a life. hopefully soon this can happen again. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:76378 2004-05-19T17:27:32Z 2004-05-19T17:27:32Z Coheed & Cambria so my uncle and my cousin got here last night around 6ish. now there's me, my mom, my dad, my sister, Lucy, my grandpa, my grandma, my uncle and my cousin (and Nick cuz he's always here..basically lives here) all in my tiny 3 bedroom apartment. that's a lot of fucking people. in a way it sort of sucks though because my grandparents, my uncle and my cousin are all sleeping in the living room. so once they go to bed, i can't get outside to smoke a cigarette. and they go to bed somewhat early. unless of course i wanted to use the loud front door and go out to the front of the building to smoke one. it all depends on how lazy or considerate i feel at the time. hah. it's cool though because i haven't seen my uncle in a year. and i haven't seen my cousin in...i don't even know how long. almost didn't recognize him honestly. that's how long its been. and, my uncle bought us a nice, big new TV. haha. i love my uncle. it's a 27 inch television, clear channels, good sound...it's just lovely. <br /><br /><br />today i was supposed to go to work with my dad. he's going to pay me 7 bucks an hour to work with him, so that i can afford to pay my cell phone bill next month, but he never woke me up. i actually got sleep last night too. the past week i haven't been getting to sleep until 5am for some ungodly reason (damn insomnia). but last night i fell asleep around 230 and managed to actually sleep through the rest of the night. the phone rang nonstop from like, 830 on though. i will find whoever the first caller was, and i will kill them. that damn bastard took my sleep away. so i got up at around 1130. fell back asleep around noon, and woke up again at 1240. i'm up for the day now. it felt so nice to sleep again. <br /><br /><br />later we're hanging out with one of Nick's friends, Sean. no clue where we're going to go, but as long as we get out of the house it doesn't really matter. <br /><br />OH, and Nick hogs the blanket. stupid cunt. <br /><br /><br />OHH, and congradulations to all you kids that just graduated! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:76210 2004-05-16T05:01:50Z 2004-05-16T05:01:50Z so i'm walking home, by myself, at midnight from Josh's house tonight. there's this car with two guys in it who were talking, loudly. so the one guy says to his buddy:<br /><br />"holler at the girl walking down the street". <br /><br />so they come to a stop at the light, as i'm cutting through a parking lot at the gas station and i hear:<br /><br /><br />"heyyy".<br /><br /><br />yeah. drunk guys in cars. <b>ugly</b> drunk guys in cars. oh so flattering. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:76004 2004-05-15T22:29:37Z 2004-05-15T22:29:37Z From Autumn To Ashes i'm ready to kill her. seriously. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Van Hellsing tonight with Kayleigh, Angel and Nick. should be lots of fun. <br /><br /><br /><br />got my tickets to Warped and the Thrice show yesterday. so fuckin excited. i also got my FATA and my Vagrant Records compilation back. i bought new copies. and if i find my other ones, i'm gonna sell them for 10 bucks. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:75717 2004-05-15T15:16:42Z 2004-05-15T15:16:42Z Nick and Angel are here for the weekend.<br /><br /><br />i feel sort of bad. i haven't been all happy like i would like to be. but maybe today will be better. <br /><br /><br /><br />i hate being an insomniac. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:75368 2004-05-13T16:20:29Z 2004-05-13T16:20:29Z 311 so i got a letter from the orange county sherrif's office yesterday. thought i had done something illegal that i did not remember doing. granted, i have no idea what that would have been, seeing as i haven't done much of anything lately, it still shocked me. i'm only going to post the first paragraph, but this is what it said:<br /><br /><br /><i>Dear Parent and Graduating Senior</i>,<br /><br />[thank god, it's just a graduation letter]<br /><br /><i>I would like to congradulate you, your family, and your graduating high school senior on a job well done. High school graduation is quite a milestone, and I am sure you are very proud of your child's achievements.</i><br /><br />yeah. congradulations to me. only one problem there officer, <b>i'm not graduating</b>. i'm not walking across the stage to collect my diploma. but thank you for the gesture. it's appreciated. i'll take my GED and be happy, thank you very much. <br /><br /><br />my interview went well. i'll hear something by sunday if they want me back for the third interview. (the second one was on the phone when i got home from the first one). it's a 4 interview process. so far, i'm doing pretty well. <br /><br /><br />my grandparents are getting in tonight. they're visiting for two weeks. originally, they were coming to see me graduate. they know i'm not, but they're still bringing me graduation presents. and i'm still glad i get to see them. my uncle gets in on tuesday. lucy and my uncle's surgery is a week from tomorrow. my cousin robert will be here for a few days as well. how the hell we're going to fit all these people in my house, i have no idea. it'll be interesting though. i can tell you that much. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:75109 2004-05-11T05:12:20Z 2004-05-11T05:12:20Z <b>I FEEL</b>:<br /><br />-like an idiot<br />-like curling up in my bed and crying<br />-emotionally and physically exhausted<br />-confused<br />-overwhelmed<br />-inferior<br />-pushed aside<br />-taken for granted<br />-frustrated<br />-lonely<br />-intimidated<br />-hopeful<br />-stupid<br />-like a disappointment<br />-undeserving<br /><br /><br /><br />finished my book tonight. had nothing else to do. amazingly, as tired as i am, i can't sleep. big surprise there. eventually i'll either get sick from sleep deprevation, or my body will adjust and my sleeping schedual will change to a few hours a night for a while.<br /><br /><br />interveiw at Border's tomorrow. 430. if i get the job, i'll be working 6am-3pm. full time job. means getting up really early, but it's a quarter more than i was making at McDonalds for half the work. and it still leaves me plenty of time for whatever excuse of i life i have at the moment. <br /><br /><br />god insomnia sucks. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:74841 2004-05-10T13:44:13Z 2004-05-10T13:44:13Z Saves The Day i no longer attend school. i went in today like Mr. Black told me to, and he had me sit at a computer to find a job. something i'm already doing on my own and doing a lot better than i would sitting in front of a computer box trying to find one. so i got up, went to the bathroom, then went and saw Mrs. Furgeson and told her i'm withdrawing myself. that's all there was to it. i should have done that a while ago. i was just putting up with unnecessary bullshit. <br /><br /><br />saw Man On Fire with my mom yesterday. really good movie. go see it. got my hair cut the other night. Nick did it for me. it looks really good. he ended up staying at my house last night. he thought his parents were coming back into town sometime in the afternoon, but 230am came around and he still couldnt get ahold of anyone. so he crashed here. <br /><br /><br />took lots more pictures yesterday. i'll post them as soon as i get them. <br /><br /><br />Borders called me yesterday. told me to call today between 8am and 4pm. just called them, and the person's already in an interveiw, so she's calling me back. everyone cross their fingers and hope i get this job. i have a cell phone bill coming around the begining of next month and i need a paycheck to pay that with. not to mention money for other shit. <br /><br />other than that, nothing else to report. later kids. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:74644 2004-05-08T20:09:35Z 2004-05-08T20:09:35Z Rancid yesterday was pretty cool. around 2, i went over to Kayleigh's and we took the bus to the downtown mall. got a new book from the library. Faultline. so far it's a pretty decent book. sometime this week i need to go back and get the book i really wanted to get, but couldn't find. by the time i found what area it would be in, the library was closing. after that, we caught the bus home. we had just got on the bus when Kayla called, and asked me if i wanted to go see Deroot at Firestone. not a big fan of the band but i wanted to see Kayla, so i went. had a good time though. <br /><br /><br />and now i'm gonna go. i'm too tired to write anything else. later kids. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:74421 2004-05-07T15:24:17Z 2004-05-07T15:24:17Z Saves The Day this morning was horrible. i woke up at 630 to my dad and my sister screaming at the top of their lungs. i dont know what they were fighting about, i woke up in the middle of things. doors were slamming all over the place. i wouldn't be surprised if they woke up the whole damn building. it sounded like he hit her when she left. i could have been hearing things. but to be honest, it wouldn't really surprise me if he did. he's come so close to hitting me it's not even funny. many times. that's how he gets. i used to dare him to hit me. i wanted him to. i'd have a reason to leave, and he knew that if i left i wasn't coming back. i guess he figured that's what i wanted, so he never did. although even if he did hit her this morning, i can't say i'd blame him. with the way things have been around here lately, someone needs to slap something into her. hell, i've wanted to take a baseball bat to her head the past few weeks. i haven't wanted to seriously hurt her in a while. it's been a few years actually since the last time i really wanted to fuck her shit up. <br /><br />after that mess, not even an hour later, more screaming from neighbors outside. i guess no one wanted anyone in this building to sleep today. because after that, the phone rang every half an hour. <br /><br /><br />one of those calls was Mr. Black. he left a message on my machine yesterday. i was going to call him when i woke up, but he beat me to it. told me i have the weekend to find another job, and to see him Monday morning at 8. there's no way in hell i'll have a job by Monday. i guess we'll just wait and see what happens. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:74231 2004-05-05T06:22:42Z 2004-05-05T06:22:42Z okay, so the pink highlights didn't turn out so well. but the color they did turn out, looks pretty decent. so i'm still satisfied with it. i'm debating on wether or not i should try to fix the pink, or leave it as it is now. we shall see.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />yeah. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:73889 2004-05-05T02:59:49Z 2004-05-05T02:59:49Z today has been wonderful. spent the entire day walking around, and taking buses all over town. okay, that part doesnt sound too exciting, but the day really was great. woke up around 945, went to the DMV with Lucy, then we went to albertsons to cash her check, proceeded to Blockbuster (rented white oleander, the rundown and thirteen). after that we hit up Kmart and Sally's. came back home to catch the bus to the Altamonte Mall then went grociery shopping at Albertsons. ever since we got home from that, i've been dying hair.<br /><br />my hair is now black with pink highlights. it looks so fucking good. <br /><br /><br />more to come soon. i have to help Lucy with her hair. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:73692 2004-05-03T06:08:17Z 2004-05-03T06:08:17Z 2am and i cant sleep. Kari and Frank (her bf) came over around midnight and just left like, ten minutes ago. we sat around smoking cigarettes and telling jokes, telling stories of when we were fucked up. it was nice. i dont get to see Kari very often, so it's always lovely being in her company. <br /><br /><br />not too much else to report really. <br /><br /><br />and on a final note: insomnia sucks urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:tragic_smiles_x:73293 2004-05-03T02:38:34Z 2004-05-03T02:38:34Z Guttermouth so this weekend was alright. not very eventful, but it was decent. <br /><br /><br />today was pretty cool though. we went to this bbq thing at Barnett Park for the dyalasis thing that Lucy has to do. that was kind of boring, but it was lots of good, free food. so i wont complain.<br /><br /><br />then, on the way home we were walking down the street, and these kids stopped in the middle of the road to ask if any of us were 18 and could buy them cigarettes. so we met up with them at the gas station like, 100 feet away. they didn't have the cloves the kids wanted, but they offered us a ride to wherever we were going. it was hot as fuck, and i was tired of walking, so we got in the kids car. we stopped off at Our Store down on Edgewater, i bought them their cloves, and they gave us a ride home. <br /><br />turns out, i've seen those kids before at this party i went to with Christian and Mike once. the guy, John, recognized me too. it was pretty cool. they're nice kids. then, when we were pulling into my apt complex, we saw Zach Fortune. so we stopped and talked to him for a minute then proceeded on to my building. <br /><br /><br />i'm sunburned as fuck and it hurts. i hate having such fair skin. i can be outside in the sun for 10 minutes and burn to a fucking crisp. it sucks ass. i just hope that if i keep putting lotion on it, i'll actually tan instead of peel and go back to being pale. that would be nice for once.<br /><br /><br />i'm hyper and talkative. someone needs to come over. even though its 1040 and most of you have school tomorrow, dont have a way here, or couldnt come over anyhow. gah. i'm gonna go. peace out.